I Didn't Recognize You

To the man I married,

I saw you changed your WhatsApp profile picture.

I don't even know if you realize how strange it felt to see it.

For over a year, that little circle still held a picture of us. Every now and then I'd wonder when you would finally change it. I thought that when you did, I'd cry because the last visible trace of our marriage would disappear.

Instead...

I cried because I didn't recognize the man looking back at me.

I kept staring at your face, trying to find something familiar.

Your smile.

Your eyes.

Something.

Anything.

But all I could think was,

Who are you?

Not in anger.

Not even in disappointment.

Just... genuine confusion.

You looked like a complete stranger.

Maybe it's because so much time has passed.

Maybe it's because everything we lived through changed the way I see you.

Or maybe it's because somewhere along the way, I realized I never knew you as well as I believed I did.

I don't know which one is true.

I don't know if you changed your picture knowing I would eventually see it.

Maybe you did.

Maybe you didn't.

At this point, I don't think I'll ever understand what goes through your mind.

And strangely enough...

I'm finally okay admitting that.

There was a time when I thought if I could just understand you, everything would make sense.

Now I know some questions simply don't have answers I'll ever receive.

Seeing your picture broke my heart, but not for the reason I expected.

I wasn't heartbroken because you removed our picture.

If I'm honest, I was surprised you had kept it for so long.

What broke my heart was realizing that the man I once called my husband feels like someone I've never met.

That realization is almost impossible to describe.

It's like mourning someone who is still alive.

Not because they're gone.

But because the person you loved no longer seems to exist in the way you remember them.

I don't know how your life is going.

I don't know if you're happy.

I don't know if you're struggling.

I don't know if you've found peace.

I don't know if you've found God.

I don't know.

And maybe I never will.

But tonight, after all the confusion settled, I found myself doing something I didn't expect.

I prayed for you.

Not because I wanted anything from you.

Not because I was hoping you'd come back.

I prayed because despite everything that happened between us, I never stopped wanting your soul to be okay.

Maybe that's what love looks like after all the illusions have fallen away.

Not possession.

Not longing.

Not denial.

Just quietly placing someone into God's hands because you can no longer carry them yourself.

I don't know who the man in that picture is.

But I hope, wherever you are, that one day you become the man God always intended you to be.

I truly do.

And maybe that's the final prayer I'll ever pray for the man I married.

— The woman who married you. 💜