The Day God Quietly Became Bigger

I had a realization today that almost made me stop in the middle of praying.

For months, I've been asking God to change someone's heart. I've prayed for healing, for conversion, for restoration, for mercy, for justice. I've prayed almost every version of the same prayer I could imagine.

And today I wondered...

What if God has been answering a different prayer first?

Not because He ignored mine.

But because He knew I needed something deeper before I could receive whatever came next.

I've spent so much time asking Him to transform my circumstances that I almost missed the quiet work He was doing inside of me.

I'm not the same woman who first fell to her knees asking for answers.

I don't panic the way I used to.

I don't cling the way I used to.

I don't spend every waking moment trying to solve tomorrow.

That doesn't mean I don't still struggle.

I do.

Some days I still find myself wandering into imagined conversations or wondering how different life could have been. But those moments don't last as long anymore. It's almost as if something gently calls me back to the present before my imagination has the chance to build another world.

Maybe that's grace.

I've realized that I used to approach prayer almost like someone presenting a case before a judge. I wanted to make sure God understood exactly how much this mattered to me. I wanted Him to know every detail, every fear, every hope, every possibility, as though repeating them enough times might somehow strengthen my case.

Now I smile when I think about that.

As if the One who knit me together in my mother's womb needed me to convince Him of what was already in my heart.

He has always known.

Long before I prayed it.

Long before I understood it myself.

Somewhere along the way, my relationship with God has become quieter.

Not smaller.

Deeper.

There are days when I don't even know what to pray anymore, so I simply sit with Him. Sometimes I read a few verses of Scripture. Sometimes I walk. Sometimes I watch my son discover the world with the kind of trust only little children seem capable of having.

And somehow...

those moments have become prayer too.

I think I used to believe that faith meant constantly doing something.

Praying harder.

Thinking harder.

Trying harder.

Holding on tighter.

Now I'm beginning to suspect that faith often looks like the opposite.

Resting.

Not because life suddenly became easy.

Because God became bigger.

Bigger than my fears.

Bigger than my unanswered questions.

Bigger than my need to understand every detail before taking the next step.

I still don't know how my story ends.

I still don't know why some prayers seem to linger in heaven longer than others.

I still don't know what tomorrow will ask of me.

But I know Him a little better than I did before.

And strangely...

that has become enough for today.

Maybe that's what growing in faith actually feels like.

Not finally getting all the answers.

But slowly discovering that the Answer has been walking beside you the entire time.

If that's true...

then perhaps this season wasn't about losing control.

It was about discovering that I never needed it in the first place.

💜