I've Started Admiring Different Things

I don't think I noticed it at first.

It happened so quietly that I almost missed it.

One day I found myself admiring something that, a few years ago, I probably wouldn't have even noticed. It wasn't someone's confidence. It wasn't someone's charisma. It wasn't someone's success or ability to command a room.

It was humility.

Real humility.

The kind that doesn't need to announce itself.

The kind that isn't trying to look humble.

The kind that simply tells the truth, even when the truth is uncomfortable.

That surprised me.

I've spent a lot of time asking God to heal my heart, but I never thought to ask Him to change what my heart admired. Looking back, I think He's been doing exactly that.

I still appreciate intelligence.

I still love good conversations.

I still find curiosity incredibly attractive.

But those things don't impress me the way they used to.

Not by themselves.

I've met intelligent people who lacked wisdom.

I've met articulate people who couldn't receive correction.

I've met confident people whose confidence was quietly hiding deep insecurity.

Those things used to confuse me.

They don't anymore.

Now I find myself paying attention to entirely different things.

Can this person apologize?

Can they admit they're wrong without collapsing?

Can they celebrate someone else's success without making it about themselves?

Can they remain kind when no one is watching?

Can they tell the truth even when the truth costs them something?

Those questions feel far more important now.

I suppose suffering has a way of rearranging our priorities.

Or perhaps grace does.

The older I get, the less interested I become in people who seem impressive.

I'm much more interested in people who are becoming holy.

Not perfect.

Just honest.

People who are allowing God to change them.

There is something incredibly beautiful about watching someone surrender their pride.

I don't know how else to describe it.

It feels... safe.

Maybe that's the word I've been looking for.

Safe.

Not because they would never hurt another person.

Every human being is capable of causing pain.

But because they're willing to take responsibility when they do.

That's a rare kind of strength.

I hope I never stop admiring that.

Not only in other people.

In myself.

I hope I continue becoming the kind of woman who can receive correction without becoming defensive.

Who can change her mind when the truth asks her to.

Who can apologize without feeling diminished.

Who can grow without pretending she already has.

Because maybe that's what maturity really is.

Not arriving.

Remaining teachable.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that God has been refining not only my heart, but my eyes.

I'm beginning to see beauty in places I never looked before.

Not in perfection.

Not in performance.

Not even in brilliance.

But in quiet integrity.

In hidden faithfulness.

In the ordinary courage of someone who wakes up every morning and simply says,

"Lord... teach me."

I can't imagine a more beautiful prayer.

And I hope...

I never outgrow it.

💜